Men at baby showers: baby shower bards!
I was asked to attend the baby shower of a good friend, and I knew to expect something bizarre, poignant, and utterly memorable, because the family giving the party was very eccentric. At the shower, there weren’t really many decorations but there were a few men. So much for the usual women-only protocol, I thought to myself. I chalked it up to a cultural thing. Anyway, during other baby showers I’ve been to, I’ve seen popular games such as baby shower bingo and the like. Here, though, our hosts asked us to write little poems about the expectant couple and the baby-to-be. We were supposed to write sentimental, heartfelt poems in a short amount of time. I was stressed. Here we were, trying to relax and have a good time with a little wine and a rum chaser (of course) and then we were being asked to actually think! I mean really, a sentimental note to the parents-to-be and their child? How Shakespearean. The pressure was on! We had about 15-20 minutes to complete this task. I could hear the other guests brainstorming out loud. People were searching for the right words, bouncing ideas off of one and other – it was a veritable creative thinktank. Together, we could have won a Pulitzer.
As always, and however unwittingly, the battle of the sexes raged. The women strove to say something nice and meaningful. The men, of course, started having daydreams of where babies come from, and that was the beginning of the end of their brains concentrating on mushy poetry. Right before the presents were opened was zero hour. Everyone was required to read their poems out loud. I’ll bypass all the sweet sentimentalism the women had to offer and get right to the juicy gossip the guys dished out. One experience shared was that the expectant couple had had a pregnancy scare in their early twenties. Only a few people knew that but now, thanks to Hank (a.k.a. the mouth of the Potomac), everyone knew! At this point, those that had been privy to this scare were reminiscing how the parents-to-be were freaking out and trying to reason with themselves about how they were going to get through it. The actual humor in this comes from the part when they told the guests that their panic was all caused by a defective pregnancy test. The men also made other comments such as, “enjoy yourselves now, because when the baby gets here, the party is over.” The giggles that such comments evoked from many of the women meant that I was interpreting the innuendo infused in the word “party” correctly. The general feeling behind the guys’ comments – all that spilling the beans on the father-to-be and revealing less-than-flattering stories that had once been private – was that even though the past was a disaster, the guys were certain that he had it in him to be a good role model and perhaps even a more responsible adult.
For me, it was a very different experience for a baby shower. It was a one-of-a-kind shower because BOTH parents were enjoying the party and the many things the guests had to say. Both men and women were laughing and reminiscing together, as a family and circle of friends united by the upcoming birth. It was hilarious to see a man’s take on pregnancy, too. I laughed so hard I was in tears for most of the event. They made it seem like a man’s life is over as soon as the baby is born – goodbye sex life, goodbye male bonding time. The men hid their feelings of loss well, as men often do, with dirty humor and juicy gossip. Meanwhile, all the women were overly excited and could not wait for the new baby to be born, seeming to take the intrusion upon their lives much more in stride.
I don’t know whose idea it was to separate men from baby showers in the first place, but this particular party could not have been more successful, and it was largely thanks to the guys. A mixed shower worked for this particular crowd because the guests were all of a reasonably young age and they were pretty open to the idea. I have been to other showers where this probably wouldn’t have worked out so well, but it was an amazing experience. It is time to break that barrier of no men at baby showers! I think they should all be invited to spend the hours of time they would normally spend doing guy things, with throngs of baby-crazed women. After all, don’t they deserve to have a little fun, too?
